


My Immortal the Squeakuel

by GingerGinger (orphan_account)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Dank Memes, F/M, Fanfiction of Fanfiction, Multi, Other, Reaper - Freeform, Satire, So the fanfiction part did happen in band class, We actually are telling real life stories that mostly happened to me, What Was I Thinking?, hello darkness my old friend, i once thought i was a decent human being, send help
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-07-14 04:27:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7153493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/GingerGinger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is all and utterly completely satirical. My friend and I got really bored and wanted to do this. So brace yourselves, my children, for we have a shitty squeal to a shitty fanfic featuring your favourite vampire-witch-who claims to be goth but actually possesses traits of emos- Mary Sue Ebony Darkness-eh who cares. </p><p>Now I suggest you guys relax and enjoy this work of garbage we spent no time editing. </p><p>PS. I will actually post something serious soon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Immortal the Squeakuel

**Author's Note:**

> Welp...welcome to the journey of a life timeeee! To your left we have popcorn and to your right, we have the souls of the damned. Choose wisely.

My Immortal: The Squeakual  
There is no Such Thing as Immortality

Chapter 1: Brought Back to Mortal Life  
Author’s note: im not a fckucking furry im a GOFF!!!! Don’t talk to me or my 12 fursonas ever again. Shit fam we in comic sans. Shit fam ur internets bad. Nah fam, my internets is good. Chekcx it at fast.com bruh. Fangz to my friend mizuki!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For wruitng parts of this lmoa. Sup fam-Mizuki

If you know my name you know my story. The story of the vampire witch, Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way, who saved Hogwarts of whatever by fucking voldemort. What you don’t know is what happened after it. The rest of my years as a students at Hogwarts was relatively uneventful. I graduated as the Valedictorian of my class. Some preps stared at me after I made my speech. I put up my middle finger to them. After the ceremony a graduating party was held. During the party, me and Draco did and smoked tons of weeds and vodka. Then, I killed that fucking prep Britney by sucking her blood.  
During that party, Ebony and Draco, after smoking several grams of marijuana and chucking downing many bottles of Grey Goose Vodka. Ebony and Draco both stumbled over to Brittany, who wasn’t as wasted as they were. Ebony, despite how wasted she was, felt her hatred for the preppy bitch reach to the surface of her drunken self. Without a word, she darted at the girl and viciously bit into her neck as if she was taking a bite out of a steak. Brittany screeched in horrendous agony as she lost gigantic amounts amounts of blood. The savory red substance spread quickly to the walls and on Ebony. She couldn't care less as she enjoyed feeding on her victim as the blood covered her face. She wrapped herself around Brittany’s torso, her arms crushing the prep’s chest with inhuman strength as she drank the blood with Ebony’s expression looking passionate as if she had her lips pressed against Draco’s in one of their heated casual sex days . Brittany’s eyes rolled to the back of her blonde head. Her arms quivered in struggle for freedom from the vampire’s constriction. Draco looked in horror as he saw the love of his life taking another’s without reason. Others stared at the situation in horror but no one had seemed to do anything about it despite how gruesome it had looked. She continued to suck on Brittany and soon the screams had ceased and Ebony released her grasp from Brittany, she licked her lips with glutton. The blonde girl’s body hit the floor with a hard thud. Her eyes were glassy and devoid of life. There was no doubt in the minds of everyone in the vicinity that a heinous murder was committed. Ebony quickly looked around with a feral growl, the heat of the moment pumping adrenaline into her veins. She wanted more and more of it. Her icy blue eyes looked in lust at the walls as she stumbled up and kicking Brittany’s corpse out of the way then making her way to the blood covered walls. She stroked the walls as she began licking the blood off of it to satisfy her uncontrollable thirst for blood. She began giggling as she looked at the guests and other students look at her in horror. But then, it stopped when Draco was looking at her with fear as she turned around. Ebony’s eyes fell on the horrified face of Draco. She tensed, suddenly realizing what she had done. She couldn’t stand looking at her lover; the betrayed look in his eyes, his for coiling up in fear. She started to approach Draco, but the blonde goth shakily backed away. It hit her like a thousand wooden stakes and silver crosses to her heart. Ebony felt like she was going to cry because Draco was now horrified of being with her, but yet she wanted to continue to feed her thirst.  
The memories of that fateful night, in between the copious amounts of drugs and drinking, replay in my head like a scratched MCR CD. The people, the faces, and most importantly the blood dripping from the walls like vodka down a faded teen’s shirt. The legal aftermath of the party was a sobering time of my life. Draco was arrested and put in jail for 15 years. I plead insanity and was sent to a mental institute because being insane was a totally goth thing to do, or so i thought at the time. I had to break out on my own devices. The muggle mental institutes were cruel, unforgiving, and cold. The worst of all, they were unwilling to believe me being a vampire. Many nights I suffered with a dry throat and an insatiable thirst for murder and the sweet nectar of the mortal beings. I had to kill all of them. There was no other option; it was either me or them. First I attacked the lead psychiatrist, the man who drugged me up until I was physically and mentally numb. I went through the rest of the staff like a hot katana through human flesh. With a tone blaring in my ear at the end of it all, I began to collect myself. The only path to take next was out of that dreaded building. As I walked out of the institution I observed the surrounding area. An abandoned town, with not a single hint of life. Not even plants could grow in the shadowed land of the muggle town. I heard a car arriving about a mile and a half away. I fled, heading in a random direction.  
I escaped, and fled to Hogwarts with whatshisface’s flying car. I took refuge in the forbidden forest. I would feed on preps who snuck out at night for whatever reason they did. From stalking prey to prey I had learned that the love of my life, Draco, had committed suicide. On the day of his demise he planned to visit me at the mental institute with a police escort, but as they found the fresh blossom of death among them, Draco immediately fell into a deep depression. He instantly killed himself, assuming that I was dead.  
Ebony soon reached her way to Hogwarts with the help of the Weasley’s flying car. Upon arrival, she quickly made her way to the Forbidden Forest. Since her breakout from the asylum, her thirst for blood was quenched as she could hear the pulsating veins of the witches and wizards of the school grounds. Though, in a different mindset, she wanted to see her beloved Draco. In a matter of minutes, she already devised a plan to lure the students into the forest . With her advanced hearing, she began to hear the rumours that Draco Malfoy had committed suicide due to falling into a deep depression of assuming that Ebony had died while she was away in the institute. Ebony, angry at herself, lashed out onto the students nearby and had sucked them dry while wanting to believe it wasn’t true about Draco. Her anger and thirst grew as she slowly began to feed on more numbers of students. Her feral side had completely taken over her as she was soon surrounded by the corpses of the dead students she had fed on. She growled as she began to find her next meal. She found one student walking near the path to Hagrid's home and leaped onto her like a hungry cougar and dragging the corpse into the forest. Ebony drained the blood of the student with animalistic desire. With that, she threw the body to the side and waited on her next victim in her line of sight.  
Eventually professors started to go into the Forbidden Forest and inspect the dozens of student deaths that had been occurring, and soon found my feral, pathetic form among the trees. They restrained me and put me in dorms that had been abandoned due to new development. Eventually, I came back to my senses. I didn’t want to speak to or see anyone. I traversed the campus in silent contemplation. I didn’t want to face the truth. I didn’t want the reality of my actions to be true. Eventually the professors got concerned. They knew that my problems couldn’t be resolved alone. They had to intervene.  
Professer whoeverthefuck stalked into the Forbidden Forest with extreme caution. She gripped her (meat) wand tightly (8====D) as she proceeded further into the dank forest (420 weedzard marijuanas blaze it). The mist grew thicker and damper, as the smell of decay and death in the forest wafted inter her nares. She knew she was getting closer to the site of the missing students. The professor froze in place at the feeling of a hot breath down her neck (and a hand on her ass.) She quickly turned around and quickly shouted a spell of restraint. The vampire wriggled around in the constraints, unable to free herself. The professor picked up the vampire and headed for the place. (AN: ONE INJECTION OF WIZARD MARIJUANAS KILLED BECKY! WEED. NOT EVEN ONCE. )  
I was cornered by none other than professor Sinister. “Ebony,” she started, staring deep into my watery eyes with intense focus, “You know that I am deeply concerned for your well-being. But I think it’s not rational that you eat the other students.” She spoke to me.  
My voice cracked as I begin to reply back. “I wasn’t eating them. I was just drinking their blood.” I retorted as I look briefly away from her then back.  
The professor sighed at me.  
“Then why were their bodies horribly mangled as if they were torn apart?”  
I was feral, simple as that. I just wanted more and more of the blood when given the chance but I didn’t know how to answer to the professor without seeming like I was a cannibal.  
“I had a sudden urge to drink more blood, Professor. And I had no control over myself. I- I was trying to cope with Draco’s death…” I answered as I felt tears run down my cheeks.  
The professor blinked; she seemed to know of my relationship with Draco as she looked at me with sympathy in her eyes. “Well Ebony, he died knowing that you loved him and he loved you too.” She softly replied.  
I felt my mind ease. My past events no longer had haunted me as they previously did. For the first time in a long time, I felt happy. The professor and I left the room together but parted our ways. I walked briefly around the grounds and halls in silence and while ignoring the looks of other students. I was the suddenly tapped on the shoulder by one student who looked like a Hufflepuff.  
“Excuse me, but do you know where I could find the Potions class?” the Hufflepuff asked me.

 

( AN: succ big dix 10/10 -ign -many big dix)

Authors Note: this fic is half serious half a joke. We started to insult each other halfway through, and that’s probably the reason for any weird grammar you see. Google Docs, everyone. Fucking piece of shit site-Mizuki. Seriously though, why would I come up with two nerds that would fight over me? Mizuki they don’t know what you’re talking about. This is our special message to the readers. WELL EVERYONE HOLD ONTO YOUR ASSES BECAUSE I’M ABOUT TO TAKE YE ON FER A RIDE. ALright I’m done. You didn't even say anything.Sssh I was about to get there. New rule, nothing can be removed from the author’s note unless to fix typos. So basically, I sometimes think I’m comatose and nothing exists and all of you are part of my imagination...and realising that I question why the fuck would I have two nerds fight over me? There. This is gonna get deleted off the internet. Orphan account here we come! PLAN FUCKING B TAKE OVER RUSSIA what do they got in russia other than vodka. Snow and Vladimir Pepe. Valid point. Readers, if you’re still somehow reading this. You ever seen those tiny bad dragon dildos? You know the ones you can get in a 5 pack? I think theyre hilarious. Teeny weenies. And then you have the tiny bad dragon fleshlights called lil squirts. Okay im done lets actually finish this chapter. Aight fam u think u can finish the chapter? Not really...I have a fanfiction to write. do u have an ao3 account? Eventually, I have a wattpad account. Aight, i’ll cook up a cover for us in photoshop. Well this gonna be interesting. Immona use a screenshot from my 100 baby challenge with ebony lmao. Omg. hey hey hey. yeah? i got the pic i sent it to u wiht skype. when u upload it link me.  
Aight fam.  
Chapter 2: Undying Love  
Author’s Note: HEY MOTHERFUCKERSSSSSSSSSZ THOUGHT WE WAS DEAD? THINK AGAIN ASSHOLES. NOW BUTTER UP YOUR SWEET DELECTIBLE BODS FOR THE SECOND CHAPTER OF SHIT WE BACK IN BUSINESS...Also I got an Ao3 account want me to publish this on there? HEL YEAH MOTHERFUCKER PUT THAT SHIT ON THERE AIGHT FAM  
  
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS IMMORTALITY

The day following was average as ever. Near the end of the period where I taught my AP class for Defense Against the Dark Arts (I teach this class because I have some history with the dark arts and also some professors died due to old age and the great Hogwarts lawsuit of 2011) an announcement came on the Hogwarts announcement system (reword). The tired voice of the vice headmaster , D. B. (shortened to protect the innocent), (A/N:a real actual man who has like 7 kids and is the headmaster of an actual school lookit up And also can’t keep off his wife because they(or going to have) SEVEN FUCKING KIDS. OHHHH FUCK THE SHADE IS REAL. Dude we’re fucked if they find this...oh shit they don’t know our alias so we good fam like yeah why would any of the staff of our school be reading a fanfiction of a fanfiction. Shit, I dunno maybe they were drunk) blared out from the object.  
“Sorry for the Interruption teachers and students. I would like to announce the arrival of a new Professor, Professor O’Niel. Teachers and students are stongly encouraged to swing by his classroom to give him a warm welcome. Anyways sorry for the interruption.”  
The rest of the day proceeded like usual. I, being too busy to greet the new Professor due to being annoyed by preppy children who have no idea what they’re doing in my class. I packed up all my papers I needed to grade. (Although 9/10 times I make the preppy children grade all the student’s papers as a “fun” activity and project because I’m evil like that.) However these papers were essays on how to avoid evil entities (aka the Forbidden Forest where I lost my virginity.) I made my way, obviously forgetting to do one important assignment, to the courtyard.  
It was tiring day after I was finished with my last class. I was walking around campus with nearly nothing else to do due to it being the end of the day and I really didn’t want to grade stuff right now but rather walk around with my phone and play MCR’s Mama(I fucking love Gerard’s voice in this one!!!) In the courtyard, I sat down at one of the stone benches and kicked my feet around while rocking to the song. (No, I’m not going to have Trump even though this entire fanfic is fucking garbage let’s not add shit to it)  
“I see that you’re into My Chemical Romance, Professor Ebony.” An attractive voice said to me as I listening to the song. I looked up to see a tall attractive black haired man with blood red eyes and short hair that perfectly covered his left eye.  
I found myself blushing because I thought it was some preppy student but it was actually this very sexy man. “Y-yeah. I really really love MCR and Gerard Way.” I replied while stammering my sentence a bit.  
He smirked. “I love MRC myself and Gerard Way is amazing.” He replied. “Oh, I’m the new professor. I’m Dante Jurian Bladeheart O’ Neil ; D.J for short.”  
I was blushing at D.J. Was I falling in love already? Because I haven’t felt like this ever since spent passionate nights with Draco illuminated the pale moonlight. Memories washed over me of my past lover. The times we spent locked in each other’s arms, gazing lovingly into the other’s eyes crashing back onto me. A bittersweet emotion coming back in waves as our conversation continued.  
There was something about D.J. that was hypnotizing. Whether it was his calculating gaze, his gentle body language and graceful movements, or his sweet scent of toxic gothic black roses, it seemed to draw me closer. It was as if I couldn’t keep myself away from him. We kept our conversation the rest of the day, when I was grading papers in the courtyard, to when we were in the dinner hall discussing various gothic bands and who was the sexiest in them (as I found out, he was pansexual). Then the time approached dusk, when everyone was required to check into their respective dorms. We were walking down the path to the Professor housing when D.J. turned to me and said,  
“Ebony, I had an excellent time with you, but as we both know, I have to go get ready for bed. I’ll see you tomorrow.” D.J. waved politely.  
“Alright I’ll see you tomorrow.” I said and then waved goodbye. I started to walk to my dorm. The walk in the twilight was pleasant, occasionally disturbed by a wandering rabbit or chirping nightingale. I breathed in a deep sigh of relief, releasing a tense wave of stress. Usually I would be down to party til midnight. However, the whole thing, to the student throwing up in the Dinner Hall causing a chain reaction of vomit to meeting the sexy mysterious new professor, stressed me beyond the point of exertion. All in all it was an exciting day, and so I was tired and ready to return to her coffin for the night.  
Suddenly, I heard the horrible screeching of an animal in pain. There was a ruffling in a bush nearby. I decided to investigate. I creeped up to where the source of the agonized screaming seemed to be. As I approached, there seemed to be some movement in a bush. I creeped up to the shrubbery and pulled the plant back. I gasped.  
There seemed to be the body of a deer and at the neck, a wretched, pale creature with its yellowed razor sharp fangs buried deep into the neck of the struggling bovine. Its long fingers gripped one of the front legs of the deer. The small sharp claws of the thing dug into the leg of the animal. The nails of the creature drew blood that poured down the bovine’s leg. The humanoid creature suddenly noticed me. I reached into a hidden pocket in between the breast area of my black corset with deep purple lace to pull out my wand. The creature killing the deer hissed at Ebony and then scurried away into the dead of night.  
I leaned down to the deer, feeling its neck for a pulse. It seemed to still be alive. With a sudden wave of compassion, I picked the deer up with my vampiric strength and headed towards the dorm of the professor that taught Magical Biology. Beads of sweat dotted my pale face as I heaved the animal up to the dorms opposite of my own. Finally I came up to the door, my chest heaving with strain. And knocked on the door. I entered the room and looked around at its grey scheme with colourful random trinkets all around the room. The room seemed to be well lived in by someone who collects antiques even though the professor who live in it had only been teaching for a year. The professor himself seemed to be talking with a couple other staff and drinking a martini glass of some alcoholic beverage that looked like the night sky. He turned around towards the new person in the room.  
Mars Gypaetus, basically Professor Gypaetus grinned with a drunken glee. He rushed over to me and exclaimed “Heyyyyyyyyyyyyy! You come to join the parrrrty?” It was clear to me that the professor already had a few too many drinks. Another teacher Mizuki Roxanne, also known as Professor Roxanne joined the other to greet me.  
Professor Roxanne, apparently noticing the serious look of my face, admonished the drunk professor by laying her hand on his shoulder and squeezing (a little too hard) in silent communication. The drunk professor somehow misunderstood the message and put his hand up for a high five. The somewhat more sober professor gave one of her Death High Fives. The other professor screamed in agony, clutching his stinging hand. I laughed weakly at the antics of my friends, but quickly straightened my composure.  
I looked to the duo and said with a somber tone “I need to speak to you Professor Gypaetus. I found something rather intriguing in the forest that I need you to look at.”  
The drunk professor walked outside of the room, flinching at the injured animal. He leaned down, tracing his finger over the puncture wounds. “There are two bite wounds on the animal, and a suprising loss of blood. I’m afraid that the deer won’t make it in time for it to be taken to a vet,” he said. The professor inspected the deer’s neck for a moment longer before he jokingly said “This is clearly an injury from a hemotrophic organism, you sure this isn’t your own work, Ebony?” he finished jokingly with a tiny smirk.  
I scoffed “That’s not funny, what should we do about it?” I finished my remark in a question.  
Professor Gypaetus stood up. He wiped some blood from the deer onto his shirt and then stated. “We’ll have to give the animal a proper burial at most.”  
The other professor cut in “We’ll have to warn the headmaster about this otherwise all three of us will probably get fired once he eventually does find out about this thing running around.” The drunk professor and I nodded in agreement, we put the deer in a cardboard box that was laying around nearby. The mini party was disbanded and everyone decided to call it a night and go to bed.

Author’s Note: Jesus christ that was hard to write. Ingore the shrek and lovey banh below, those are just ads You should’ve paid for the no ad one, incorporated by us, for no ad revenue.yeah its $20 for the no ad, no random interruption version of this fic. Also with an additional cost of your soul. Just the rules! Yeah we don’t make em up. We work for our lord and saviour dat boi. No actually, our boss is Reaper. yeah the emo boss. Don’t tell our headmaster we put him in our fic. In fact, dont let anyone know of our presence as the authors of this fanfiction to anyone in our school, It’s bad enough that they already know I write fanfiction… ohhh yeah when the band director read your fnaf slash fanfiction out loud after class… I SWEAR TO GOD THAT WAS WORSE THAN GOING TO HOMECOMING WITH YOU KNOW WHO...but that was because of the rumours. Oh yeah and you brought a notebook with actual smut fics in it to school. A roman catholic middle school. I have more nuts than all the boys in our class combined. I mean, its not as bad as me drawing that one picture and alex showing it to the entire freshman class. Dude you remember when I was fucking high? I couldn’t stand straight. And also when I was a on a monster hype and my hands couldn’t stop shaking? Mmmmmmmmmmyup. Ueah i remember those. In fact, i had to remind you of those events because you forgot about them the day after.Oh yeah… Ah yes welcom to our segment of “Embarrasing shit we did in freshmen year of highschool” with our host, Mizuki. Dude, remember when you said ‘shit’ in Mr Bond’s class? That was fucking hilarious. Yes. yes i do remember that. Remember after tennis that one day we basically all took clothed showers cause it was so hot? Oh yeah that was great.

**Author's Note:**

> Have a lovely day until next time we decide to doing this....


End file.
